i have been assigned by the good Lord to help build two beautiful souls, they are my grandchildren, these two live with g-ma and i, along with their mother.
they spend the greater majority of the day with me, my cohorts, my friends, and i love them with every fiber of being i possess. do i favor them over the others, no, if anything i am more hard on them than my others.
tis the season for christmas programs, of which we attended this past tuesday, the day performance, due to the overcrowding, fortunately so that my Wife is able to attend in person, we tape events for her, but nothing compares to the live version for sure, especially this year !
our live-in g-daughter had her 1st solo! a wonderful feeling of excitement for sure.
especially for this one, we can remember her very 1st performance at the daycare that her mother took her too. as the other children proudly and loudly sang the seasonal songs, our little baby hid behind one of daycare employee's leg, peeking out to see the crowd that intimidated her. these kind of reactions all before i got my hands on her, before they moved in with us. when they first moved in, i did not know if i was up to the challenge, the responsibilities, i had failed as a father, why wouldn't i fail as grandfather also, maybe thats what i was most afraid of, most embarrassed to reveal. but together, her and her brother brought out the best in me, to stand up and be a man, and i thank them for this wonderful gift, this step on my journey becoming a better human being.
it was not like i was in a good spot myself, personally, i had just had my foot chopped off on july 13th and their move in happened 2 weeks later. but my BabyGirl went about smoothly putting out the fires, i gathered inspiration from her, i have learned to emulate her. God had laid before me this path to walk upon, and decided to walk upon it with more grace than i had when i did have 2 feet at my disposal, i am so thankful.
skip ahead to tuesday afternoon, our granddaughter was in the middle of her solo, and my Wife reached out her hand to hold mine, and much to my surprise tears flowed down her cheeks, i say suprised, for these two butt heads over many things, my wife has called her a 'sneaky little indian' more than once, probably to serve as a jab at me, but today, she was so proud of her, so loving of her , as the students were leaving the room after the program, BabyGirl found her way thru the crowd to hug and kiss our little songbird, and my heart cried tears of happiness.
the two have brought out the best in me, and i am most thankful to them for this and they do mean the world to me : )
answered a question this morning:
Me 51-55, M 8 mins ago
i love BabyGirl !!!!!!!!!!
before i met my Love, i drank from a foul nasty pool of nastiness, nothing was permanent, just the scars that disfigured my perceptions. i was taken from my Mother before i can remember, my sister and i, but i do remember being seperated from her, they didn't even let us say goodbye to each other...she still struggles to this day... this was the damaged goods BabyGirl voluntereed to rebuild, God gave her a task to do, and she did it !! she was not the one that hurt me, but she was dumped on by me, like she was the one sentencing me to the unjust lashings life dealt to me, she was the real real deal. i don't know when i said it, but as i progress in life, all the love songs make sense, make so much sense, and i rejoice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what goes around comes around
1. the consequences of one's actions will have to be dealt with eventually
i recently took my Wife and family to see her Mother, she lives in a full care facility, still looks wonderful for being 90 something. her memory has faded, suffering many small strokes. we were there to celebrate her birthday. it was not an easy visit, not knowing if she actually remembered any of the people or subjects we talked about. as i sat watching her and my BabyGirl visiting, i recalled our 1st meeting, she was courteous and opened her home to me, but i was not what she had in mind for her child, which even makes me even more proud that it was our 1st born who was her favorite out of her many grandchildren, she was a Mother to 9. and many years later she attended his High School graduation, and upon leaving gave me a wonderful compliment, "you did alright", and my heart soars like an eagle to this day upon remembering her final grade, her consent.
the day had come to an end, she was becoming tired, and as we were giving our final goodbye hugs and kiss's to her, i heard her tell my daughter, "i wish i could remember who you are", my girl hugged her and said that it was alright, and as she turned to walk away, she wiped the tears from her eyes.
as i told my Wife the next day what i witnessed, she was naturally sad about her Mothers condition, i gave her a hug and told my heartfelt sentiment, "thats alright, because we remember who she is", and she agreed.
my Wife was not her favorite, she was not the baby, she was not the 1st born, she was not to carry on the family name, her Mother was of the old school, strict, bordering on cruel to my Wife, but i do believe she loved her, and somehow felt that this girl was going to have to be tough, for what lay before her was task that few would be able to accomplish, but she did, she did.
my Mother-in-Law may not be able to remember what she did in her lifetime, but i do, i do...
i was transfering movies and pic's from my memory cards this weekend so i can fill them up again from my lifes activivties. as i witness my family live and experience life i fill with pride.
i got to the clip of my Son's wedding day, which occured earlier this Summer.as
as i reviewed the event, as i caught my less than pleasureable countenance alongside my BabyGirl, i shook my head at my good fortune, what a woman, who took me in, and sheltered me, and gave me a reason to live, and my heart quivered as i watched my Son and his beautiful new Wife repeat the words his Mother and i took so long ago, i felt so happy for them, and wished that someday he would get to watch tape of his Son marrying his love, i asked my Love to come sit by my side, and we watched it together, what a simple joy it was, for two plain folks in love, i am such a lucky bastard : )
Therefore shall a man leave his Father and his Mother, and shall cleave unto his Wife: and they shall become one flesh
-King James Bible
all that matters in the end, are the great memories of shared experiences...shared bliss...shared love...
i wish everybody luck and success that my Love and i have been so fortunate to find
i have salt and pepper shakers beside me, on my lamp table. during my viewing and rooting for my favorite ba
P.S. as the song references, i still keep some money in a coffee can, but she did manage to place two gold bands upon my fingers, one for each hand : ) , and i wear them with pride
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waking on cold winter mornings in a warm bed with my Love beside me and love in my heart just brings me near to burst with overflowing happiness, this song almost puts me over the edge : )
we did not dream, my friend and i. we did, we do, and we will. we are blessed for sure. AMEN
"those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with with open eyes, and make it possible."
(lawrence of Arabia)
Saturday, my Wife and i, hand in hand, like so many years ago, drove down the hiway, with babies in tow, they in the 3rd row seating of the SUV, singing to the top 40 station selections and hollering out at the old man to 'turn it up' , i gladly obliged. the trip home was roughly 45 minutes, and our daughter was sandwiched in the middle row with leftover supplies from the days function, chattering with her 11 year old son, 7 year old daughter, and 8 year old niece, what beautiful loving useless banter, it was music to these old ears, aside what was coming out of the speakers.
when i was courting my Love so long ago, it was songs like this one that i would turn up as i drove down dusty gravel roads in southern Nebraska, i'm so glad i did, just like grandpa does these days.
Thank You Lord
my goodness Mrs. Leosdisciple, God blessed you with a fire within, a resolve that few possess, devotion that stands the test of time.
and i will never stop loving you, ever.
when we move on to our next reality, i want to be the water that quenchs your thirst, the air that fills your lungs with the gift of life reborn, for our love will never die, and this fills my heart with pure joy
you truely are my Twin...my love..always
my babygirl trusts me with her heart, this fact and gift due to the simple goodness which lies within her tender heart, not by any virtues i possess, i happened to just be passing by, was merely a transient invading her tranquil world, and as fate would have it, our paths crossed. i don't think i will ever be able to trully earn that right, to be able to tell my grandbabies that i did this or that or this and that to EARN my true Love's hand, no dragons were slain on my watch.
i sometimes think of my babygirl as brand new mp3 pla
and there i stood, the spark that ignited her first song played, and i am a most fortunate slob for Gods playlist.
and here is what i imagine was the 1st song on that list...
the lessons of my life never stop, an action here, a result over there, and then it hits me, like the proverbial "ton of bricks", and i melt into another realization that 1and 1 do make 2, and another rule shows it's face, and i become deeper entrenched in these truths, and i live in awe of love realized, one step closer to understanding the love my Love demonstrated to me time after time
i love it when my babygirl says "you don't know how much i love" , but i do...
i did it, i live by her side and i will die by her side, my God the song sets my heart aglow with love for my babygirl
my Babygirl's Irish green eyes are dancing. the sparkle her heart feels provided courtesy her new g-son. i am so happy for her, for us. our shared love we that we started our lives with together so long ago has stood the test of time, and i rejoice. so i say, smile baby, smile, never stop, because my love for us will never end either
UPDATED ~ video expired, i love this song : )
i was born simple, average. no wunderkind full of promise, no poetical imagination to describe my condition.
all i know is what my reality has taught me.
and it has taught me this.
Mrs. LeosDisciple you are wholly love, and my heart is aglow with love, for my life, for the babies you gave to me,
but mostly for you...all i know is that i love you...i love you
Neil Armstrong recently passed away. as i watched the news, listing his life accomplishments, i felt a sense of guilt, for as they talked of his storied past, they brought up that everybody remembers where they were when it happened, the man on the moon, the 'one great step' , i don't, i have no idea where i was, where i had been and more importantly where i was going.
but today a bell went off in my head when i heard that Andy WIlliams passed away yesterday.
i don't recall much of my childhood, no one to confirm to me my past, the scars a reminder of a past of unknown, undocumented memories. but i do remember WIlliams's voice and Mancini's notes that soothed my troubled soul, music has a way of doing this for sure, i guess thats why we place such a high value on our performers, moving our hearts, stirring memories of forgotten pasts.
you rocked a torn orphans heart to peace, and i thank you,
REST IN PEACE SIR
"And Levin remembered a scene he had lately witnessed between Dolly and her children. The children, left to themselves, had begun cooking raspberries over the candles and squirting milk into each other's mouths with a syringe. Their mother, catching them at these pranks, began reminding them in Levin's presence of the trouble their mischief gave to the grown-up people, and that this trouble was all for their sake, and that if they smashed the cups they would have nothing to drink their tea out of, and that if they wasted the milk, they would have nothing to eat, and die of hunger.
And Levin had been struck by the passive, weary incredulity with which the children heard what their mother said to them. They were simply annoyed that their amusing play had been interrupted, and did not believe a word of what their mother was saying. They could not believe it indeed, for they could not take in the immensity of all they habitually enjoyed, and so could not conceive that what they were destroying was the very thing they lived by." -Leo Tolstoy~Anna Karenina, book 8. chapter 13
i spent a large portion of my early married years trying to do just that 'destroying the very thing i lived by', complete malice, stupidity and childish ignorance...
God had presented to me a gift so pure...so wonderful, and yet i tried everything to tear my beautiful Love down. i have documented before that she made a declaration of Love for me and announced her intentions to a friend, when we were a mere 13 years old. God had instilled within her a plan, and she would follow through with it,come hell or high water, by God she did !! her initial glimpse of me did not happen in some pathetic Club in a self induced drunken stupor, my features were even below average, my eyes did not reflect hollywood blues, my hair raven black and unstyled, un-goldenboy, yet she proceeded, proceeded with youthful genuine love, a love that i so desperately needed in my life.
and wth the acts of a child i could not see the bigger picture of the wonderful life that lay ahead of me, if only i could get my act together, what a woman,what a woman...i needed her patience, and she would need her great strength her ancestors blessed her with. 'this is what you need to do', i fought it, for i did not understand, did not know what was at stake, sight unseen my Love had to convince me of the wonderful life we were going to have.
and yesterday, another shining moment of my New Life was presented to me, another grandson is on the way, to love, affirmation, that my Wifes commitment to Gods plan was not in vain, and as i listened to my Son speak proudly and excitedly of our family name being carried forward, i was happy for him, and for my Wife, for her tenderness with babies brings the very best out in her, and happy for me too.
my Wife is a great woman, for her future was sight unseen also, but her love within knew, her love knew...
i'm old. middle-aged? will i live to be 106? don't have the slightest. maybe. do i want to live that long? i say yes now , but thats a long ways away, we will see. but now at 53 i search and yearn for knowledge to expand my limited horizons, looking for intelligent confirmation of my progress in my simple life. i found such recently as recorded in Plato's Symposium, as told by Diotima in her tutoring of Socrates:
'He who has been instructed thus far in the things of love,
and who has learned to see the beautiful in due order and succession,
when he comes toward the end will suddenly perceive a nature of wondrous beauty
(and this, Socrates, is the final cause of all our former toils)
--a nature which in the first place is everlasting,
not growing and decaying,
or waxing and waning "
Previous Postsbrand new colors, posted December 12th, 2014
gun shy, posted November 21st, 2014
what goes around came around, posted November 18th, 2014
lucky bastard, posted September 22nd, 2014
and it came to pass..., posted August 11th, 2014
taught an old dog, posted August 3rd, 2014
still riding together, posted June 9th, 2014
i do, posted March 7th, 2014
my friend, posted September 24th, 2013, 2 comments
grandpa ... turn it up please, posted July 29th, 2013
surely, posted June 13th, 2013
batteries not included, posted May 3rd, 2013
one step closer, posted April 25th, 2013, 2 comments
be careful what you ask for, posted March 16th, 2013
i dream in reality, posted January 16th, 2013
the proof of our life, posted January 5th, 2013
all i know, posted October 17th, 2012, 2 comments
an orphans lullaby, posted September 26th, 2012, 2 comments
sight unseen, posted August 25th, 2012
*laugh out loud*, posted July 9th, 2012
Vita Nuova, posted June 27th, 2012
My Gift from God, posted April 29th, 2012, 2 comments
Meet Me Halfway, posted April 8th, 2012
My Little Heart, posted April 1st, 2012
Courage, posted March 22nd, 2012
all the way babygirl, posted March 10th, 2012
did, do, and will, posted February 25th, 2012
My Favorite Bedtime Story, posted February 7th, 2012
turn the other cheek, posted February 3rd, 2012
LeosDisciple x 2, posted January 16th, 2012
MILF, posted December 30th, 2011, 2 comments
puppy love, posted December 23rd, 2011
a favorite of mine, posted December 13th, 2011
knew, posted November 19th, 2011
yes we are, posted November 10th, 2011
No Tricks Just Treats : ), posted October 31st, 2011
20/20, posted October 14th, 2011
on and on, posted September 30th, 2011
I lost again : ), posted September 22nd, 2011
no deposit required, posted September 19th, 2011, 2 comments
thank you, posted September 2nd, 2011
my turn, posted August 28th, 2011
Destiny Fullfilled, posted August 20th, 2011
all my life, posted August 11th, 2011
legal love, posted August 10th, 2011
the long road, posted August 1st, 2011
i thank my Higher Power, posted July 23rd, 2011
just a man, posted July 8th, 2011
Mr. PotatoeHead, posted June 29th, 2011
in a good spot, no scratch that, in a great spot !, posted June 14th, 2011
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