it's so simple. love.
i was once such a "thug", but then love rained down upon me, let it rain dear Lord
let it rain...
17...17 .. two 17 year olds did "feel like we do" and we still do, still, she is as fierce for me, even now, old and disfigured, as the young tigress she was then
i can do nothing but smile when i play this, we were in our prime, primed for anything, for the hunt, our hunt for happiness, for the rest of lives !!! MAN !
Our new addition has afforded us new space. and a much deserving piece has taken it's permanent place, at least for as long as i'm around.
BabyGirl's Hope chest. She bought it when she was mere baby, 15/16, working Summer vacations detassling corn, and a seed company, also some time in assembly factory, where her Mother worked, putting together a hand tools similar to Vise-Grips.
the chest had been in her walk-in closet, in our old bedroom. it now resides in our new sunroom, for the whole world to see, against a wall the will host a family portrait along with pic's of the family's future events that her Hope Chest foretold of so long ago.
the next day as we looked upon her simple, yet treasured Cedar box, the evidence of 30 plus years of use, and several moves, became more evident in natural light of the 2 new sky lights. i guiltly proclaimed we could get the top refinished and looking good as new, but she soothed my regrets of my former alcoholic lifestyle, making what should of been beautiful memories into something much harder than it should of been, to say the least, in which i dragged her and the babies through, and forgave me without saying so in so many words, simply replying, "no, that's the way it's supposed to look, just leave it alone, i like it that way".
i could only reply "okay", i understood her feelings
my past, left me with patchs of not so pretty 'black and white' memories, like her Chest, even though i know they happened in color, i think, but here i am, they have made me who i am, and an okay guy now, scarred, yet still loved by my Love...i understood, and understand
and after her reaffirming her love for me, i looked upon her Hope Chest, the Chest that she filled with childhood trinkets and grownup dreams, and before she turned to leave, as i cried happy tears within, i told her, "you did it Ma, you said you were gonna make a Family, and you did . . . you did
i can remember black and white, which makes living in color so beautiful now
Angels appear to us.
and time will pass.
than one day as you sit, sipping coffee, reflecting, as to what has brought you to this point in time. and suddenly, two more pieces of the puzzle fit together. the border pieces had run out long ago, and the riddle of the remaining pieces are much harder to place in the picture taken so long ago.
we understand focusing this shapshot in time will answer so many questions.
i was seperated from my Family at a very young age, before i can recall, my Sister and i. a piece of puzzle that may never be part of the finished picture, except that i know it happened, i hold no grudges, that's just how it went down.
as i pen this, i cannot recall exact figures, but will do the best i can.
i remember a Christmas, a certain Christmas. don't have any dates, names, etc..
but i do remember it to be a sad sad time, but now these many years later it has given me renewed strength, with the realization that though we think we are alone, we are watched over from above.
i was placed for lack of a better term, orphanage, when taken from my family. i would go to foster homes and such but would end up back at the orphange. i would venture to guess i was a handful, and wear out my welcome.
this particular x-mas, all in the boys dorm had been placed or permitted by the system to go somewhere for the holiday, except for this one. i can remember the sorrow of being in a dorm room full of 15 empty beds and mine, occupied. i was alone, and felt alone, alone.
i answered a question here on EP a few weeks back about something, can't remember, but i do remember that i was going to answer it with a sad recollection...but no !
it was than that i realized what had happened so many years ago. the good Lord tapped a man on the shoulder and gave him an assignment, me. i was swooped from my bed, and away in an excitment we went. i can remember the gift he gave me, a small gas station piece, where the car could driven upon the top of station, serving a dual purpose, parking ramp/gas station, i was so happy, full of innocent joy !
after remembering this, all my other sad stories of a seemingly lost childhood only highlighted all the other joyful acts of people who had shown and acted upon their desires to bring some joy to a lost child.
and i thank God for all these Angels he sent my way
and now i pass on my dreams to my babies, i took my Wife and granddaughter to see the living legends Joan Jett, and Heart this past Wednesday nite.
for my dream for her, that one day in the future, she will take her grandchild to a rock concert like her grandparents did, and spend the next day together watching youtube videos of the songs performed over and over, and sing together and laugh together and love together, and remember together, and remember and remind each other that guardian angels do exist, that dreams of happiness can come true - AMEN
tickets are sittin right under the computer that i am currently typing on, 3 of them, it's a date, 2 girls on each arm, BabyGirl and Mini-me. the Headliner, Heart, and Joan Jett opening for them, WOW !! Yehaw !!!!!!!!!!
this song i posted with this, so reminds me of Baby, we were 18, we were were at a house party, she gave me notice that she was THE REAL DEAL, we did not make Love, but i had no idea as she straddled me and let me know that she was coming "straight on" ... for me : ) , WOW ! and she still does, and this old man remembers that nite like it just happened yesterday, and i smile, a very big smile : )
this song is filled with great lyrics "Knocked down the wailing wall, ain't no sin " MAN !!!!
g-ma and i will be giving some living history love to g-daughter, i can hardly wait !
when i fully came to understand what my Love has done for me, it is i who now finds myself trying to be more useful to her. my God, what a miracle she performed !
BabyGirl and i are like old lovers that are now the best of friends. exciting, breathtaking, fullfillment, my God what wonderful memories. tonite, we didn't make thrilling sweaty love, but we made our bed together, she on my side pulling down the corners, i on hers, "we've been sleeping together a long time Ma", "yes we have *and a smile that melts Leos heart*".
i don't ever want this to end, we are sweet and sour, all joyously rolled into one.
go find your love people, do what you gotta do.
my paradise is so worth it
i have been assigned by the good Lord to help build two beautiful souls, they are my grandchildren, these two live with g-ma and i, along with their mother.
they spend the greater majority of the day with me, my cohorts, my friends, and i love them with every fiber of being i possess. do i favor them over the others, no, if anything i am more hard on them than my others.
tis the season for christmas programs, of which we attended this past tuesday, the day performance, due to the overcrowding, fortunately so that my Wife is able to attend in person, we tape events for her, but nothing compares to the live version for sure, especially this year !
our live-in g-daughter had her 1st solo! a wonderful feeling of excitement for sure.
especially for this one, we can remember her very 1st performance at the daycare that her mother took her too. as the other children proudly and loudly sang the seasonal songs, our little baby hid behind one of daycare employee's leg, peeking out to see the crowd that intimidated her. these kind of reactions all before i got my hands on her, before they moved in with us. when they first moved in, i did not know if i was up to the challenge, the responsibilities, i had failed as a father, why wouldn't i fail as grandfather also, maybe thats what i was most afraid of, most embarrassed to reveal. but together, her and her brother brought out the best in me, to stand up and be a man, and i thank them for this wonderful gift, this step on my journey becoming a better human being.
it was not like i was in a good spot myself, personally, i had just had my foot chopped off on july 13th and their move in happened 2 weeks later. but my BabyGirl went about smoothly putting out the fires, i gathered inspiration from her, i have learned to emulate her. God had laid before me this path to walk upon, and decided to walk upon it with more grace than i had when i did have 2 feet at my disposal, i am so thankful.
skip ahead to tuesday afternoon, our granddaughter was in the middle of her solo, and my Wife reached out her hand to hold mine, and much to my surprise tears flowed down her cheeks, i say suprised, for these two butt heads over many things, my wife has called her a 'sneaky little indian' more than once, probably to serve as a jab at me, but today, she was so proud of her, so loving of her , as the students were leaving the room after the program, BabyGirl found her way thru the crowd to hug and kiss our little songbird, and my heart cried tears of happiness.
the two have brought out the best in me, and i am most thankful to them for this and they do mean the world to me : )
answered a question this morning:
Me 51-55, M 8 mins ago
i love BabyGirl !!!!!!!!!!
before i met my Love, i drank from a foul nasty pool of nastiness, nothing was permanent, just the scars that disfigured my perceptions. i was taken from my Mother before i can remember, my sister and i, but i do remember being seperated from her, they didn't even let us say goodbye to each other...she still struggles to this day... this was the damaged goods BabyGirl voluntereed to rebuild, God gave her a task to do, and she did it !! she was not the one that hurt me, but she was dumped on by me, like she was the one sentencing me to the unjust lashings life dealt to me, she was the real real deal. i don't know when i said it, but as i progress in life, all the love songs make sense, make so much sense, and i rejoice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what goes around comes around
1. the consequences of one's actions will have to be dealt with eventually
i recently took my Wife and family to see her Mother, she lives in a full care facility, still looks wonderful for being 90 something. her memory has faded, suffering many small strokes. we were there to celebrate her birthday. it was not an easy visit, not knowing if she actually remembered any of the people or subjects we talked about. as i sat watching her and my BabyGirl visiting, i recalled our 1st meeting, she was courteous and opened her home to me, but i was not what she had in mind for her child, which even makes me even more proud that it was our 1st born who was her favorite out of her many grandchildren, she was a Mother to 9. and many years later she attended his High School graduation, and upon leaving gave me a wonderful compliment, "you did alright", and my heart soars like an eagle to this day upon remembering her final grade, her consent.
the day had come to an end, she was becoming tired, and as we were giving our final goodbye hugs and kiss's to her, i heard her tell my daughter, "i wish i could remember who you are", my girl hugged her and said that it was alright, and as she turned to walk away, she wiped the tears from her eyes.
as i told my Wife the next day what i witnessed, she was naturally sad about her Mothers condition, i gave her a hug and told my heartfelt sentiment, "thats alright, because we remember who she is", and she agreed.
my Wife was not her favorite, she was not the baby, she was not the 1st born, she was not to carry on the family name, her Mother was of the old school, strict, bordering on cruel to my Wife, but i do believe she loved her, and somehow felt that this girl was going to have to be tough, for what lay before her was task that few would be able to accomplish, but she did, she did.
my Mother-in-Law may not be able to remember what she did in her lifetime, but i do, i do...
i was transfering movies and pic's from my memory cards this weekend so i can fill them up again from my lifes activivties. as i witness my family live and experience life i fill with pride.
i got to the clip of my Son's wedding day, which occured earlier this Summer.as
as i reviewed the event, as i caught my less than pleasureable countenance alongside my BabyGirl, i shook my head at my good fortune, what a woman, who took me in, and sheltered me, and gave me a reason to live, and my heart quivered as i watched my Son and his beautiful new Wife repeat the words his Mother and i took so long ago, i felt so happy for them, and wished that someday he would get to watch tape of his Son marrying his love, i asked my Love to come sit by my side, and we watched it together, what a simple joy it was, for two plain folks in love, i am such a lucky bastard : )
Therefore shall a man leave his Father and his Mother, and shall cleave unto his Wife: and they shall become one flesh
-King James Bible
all that matters in the end, are the great memories of shared experiences...shared bliss...shared love...
i wish everybody luck and success that my Love and i have been so fortunate to find
i have salt and pepper shakers beside me, on my lamp table. during my viewing and rooting for my favorite ba
P.S. as the song references, i still keep some money in a coffee can, but she did manage to place two gold bands upon my fingers, one for each hand : ) , and i wear them with pride
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waking on cold winter mornings in a warm bed with my Love beside me and love in my heart just brings me near to burst with overflowing happiness, this song almost puts me over the edge : )
we did not dream, my friend and i. we did, we do, and we will. we are blessed for sure. AMEN
"those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with with open eyes, and make it possible."
(lawrence of Arabia)
Saturday, my Wife and i, hand in hand, like so many years ago, drove down the hiway, with babies in tow, they in the 3rd row seating of the SUV, singing to the top 40 station selections and hollering out at the old man to 'turn it up' , i gladly obliged. the trip home was roughly 45 minutes, and our daughter was sandwiched in the middle row with leftover supplies from the days function, chattering with her 11 year old son, 7 year old daughter, and 8 year old niece, what beautiful loving useless banter, it was music to these old ears, aside what was coming out of the speakers.
when i was courting my Love so long ago, it was songs like this one that i would turn up as i drove down dusty gravel roads in southern Nebraska, i'm so glad i did, just like grandpa does these days.
Thank You Lord
my goodness Mrs. Leosdisciple, God blessed you with a fire within, a resolve that few possess, devotion that stands the test of time.
and i will never stop loving you, ever.
when we move on to our next reality, i want to be the water that quenchs your thirst, the air that fills your lungs with the gift of life reborn, for our love will never die, and this fills my heart with pure joy
you truely are my Twin...my love..always
my babygirl trusts me with her heart, this fact and gift due to the simple goodness which lies within her tender heart, not by any virtues i possess, i happened to just be passing by, was merely a transient invading her tranquil world, and as fate would have it, our paths crossed. i don't think i will ever be able to trully earn that right, to be able to tell my grandbabies that i did this or that or this and that to EARN my true Love's hand, no dragons were slain on my watch.
i sometimes think of my babygirl as brand new mp3 pla
and there i stood, the spark that ignited her first song played, and i am a most fortunate slob for Gods playlist.
and here is what i imagine was the 1st song on that list...
the lessons of my life never stop, an action here, a result over there, and then it hits me, like the proverbial "ton of bricks", and i melt into another realization that 1and 1 do make 2, and another rule shows it's face, and i become deeper entrenched in these truths, and i live in awe of love realized, one step closer to understanding the love my Love demonstrated to me time after time
Previous Postsjust add water, posted April 29th, 2015, 2 comments
coming alive, posted April 17th, 2015, 1 comment
Patina, posted April 6th, 2015
to be continued..., posted March 27th, 2015
party on Garth !, posted February 25th, 2015
back at ya, posted February 5th, 2015, 1 comment
Making love isn't making Love, posted January 11th, 2015
brand new colors, posted December 12th, 2014
gun shy, posted November 21st, 2014
what goes around came around, posted November 18th, 2014
lucky bastard, posted September 22nd, 2014
and it came to pass..., posted August 11th, 2014
taught an old dog, posted August 3rd, 2014
still riding together, posted June 9th, 2014
i do, posted March 7th, 2014
my friend, posted September 24th, 2013, 2 comments
grandpa ... turn it up please, posted July 29th, 2013
surely, posted June 13th, 2013
batteries not included, posted May 3rd, 2013
one step closer, posted April 25th, 2013, 2 comments
be careful what you ask for, posted March 16th, 2013
i dream in reality, posted January 16th, 2013
the proof of our life, posted January 5th, 2013
all i know, posted October 17th, 2012, 2 comments
an orphans lullaby, posted September 26th, 2012, 2 comments
sight unseen, posted August 25th, 2012
*laugh out loud*, posted July 9th, 2012
Vita Nuova, posted June 27th, 2012
My Gift from God, posted April 29th, 2012, 2 comments
Meet Me Halfway, posted April 8th, 2012
My Little Heart, posted April 1st, 2012
Courage, posted March 22nd, 2012
all the way babygirl, posted March 10th, 2012
did, do, and will, posted February 25th, 2012
My Favorite Bedtime Story, posted February 7th, 2012
turn the other cheek, posted February 3rd, 2012
LeosDisciple x 2, posted January 16th, 2012
MILF, posted December 30th, 2011, 2 comments
puppy love, posted December 23rd, 2011
a favorite of mine, posted December 13th, 2011
knew, posted November 19th, 2011
yes we are, posted November 10th, 2011
No Tricks Just Treats : ), posted October 31st, 2011
20/20, posted October 14th, 2011
on and on, posted September 30th, 2011
I lost again : ), posted September 22nd, 2011
no deposit required, posted September 19th, 2011, 2 comments
thank you, posted September 2nd, 2011
my turn, posted August 28th, 2011
Destiny Fullfilled, posted August 20th, 2011
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