leosdisciple's Blog

my babygirl trusts me with her heart, this fact and gift due to the simple goodness which lies within her tender heart, not by any virtues i possess, i happened to just  be passing by,  was merely a transient invading her tranquil world, and as fate would have it, our paths crossed.  i don't think i will ever be able to trully earn that right, to be able to tell my grandbabies that i did this or that or this and that to EARN my true Love's hand, no dragons were slain on my watch.

i sometimes think of my babygirl as brand new mp3 player, preloaded with sample songs, for your listening pleasure, till your figure how download  music. they are usually light songs, songs of love and inspiration, not of heartbreak and disdain.

and there i stood, the spark that ignited her first song played, and i am a most fortunate slob for Gods playlist.

and here is what i imagine was the 1st song on that list... 

the lessons of my life never stop, an action here, a result over there, and then it hits me, like the proverbial "ton of bricks", and i melt into another realization that 1and 1 do make 2, and another rule shows it's face, and i become deeper entrenched in these truths, and i live in awe of love realized, one step closer to understanding the love my Love demonstrated to me time after time

i love it when my babygirl says "you don't know how much i love" , but i do...

i did it, i live by her side and i will die by her side, my God the song sets my heart aglow with love for my babygirl

 



my Babygirl's Irish green eyes are dancing. the sparkle her heart feels provided courtesy her new g-son. i am so happy for her, for us. our shared love we that we started our lives with together so long ago has stood the test of time, and i rejoice. so i say, smile baby, smile, never stop, because my love for us will never end either

i was born simple, average. no wunderkind full of promise, no poetical imagination to describe my condition.

all i know is what my reality has taught me.

and it has taught me this.

Mrs. LeosDisciple you are wholly love, and my heart is aglow  with love, for my life, for the babies you gave to me,  

but mostly for you...all i know is that i love you...i love you

Neil Armstrong recently passed away. as i watched the news, listing his life accomplishments, i felt a sense of guilt, for as they talked of his storied past, they brought up that everybody remembers where they were when it happened, the man on the moon, the 'one great step' , i don't, i have no idea where i was, where i had been and more importantly where i was going.

but today a bell went off in my head when i heard that Andy WIlliams passed away yesterday.

i don't recall much of my childhood, no one to confirm to me my past, the scars a reminder of a past of unknown, undocumented memories. but i do remember WIlliams's voice and Mancini's notes that soothed my troubled soul, music has a way of doing this for sure, i guess thats why we place such a high value on our performers, moving our hearts, stirring memories of forgotten pasts.

you rocked a torn orphans heart to peace, and i thank you, 

REST IN PEACE SIR
 

"And Levin remembered a scene he had lately witnessed between Dolly and her children. The children, left to themselves, had begun cooking raspberries over the candles and squirting milk into each other's mouths with a syringe. Their mother, catching them at these pranks, began reminding them in Levin's presence of the trouble their mischief gave to the grown-up people, and that this trouble was all for their sake, and that if they smashed the cups they would have nothing to drink their tea out of, and that if they wasted the milk, they would have nothing to eat, and die of hunger.

And Levin had been struck by the passive, weary incredulity with which the children heard what their mother said to them. They were simply annoyed that their amusing play had been interrupted, and did not believe a word of what their mother was saying. They could not believe it indeed, for they could not take in the immensity of all they habitually enjoyed, and so could not conceive that what they were destroying was the very thing they lived by." -Leo Tolstoy~Anna Karenina, book 8. chapter 13



i spent a large portion of my early married years trying to do just that 'destroying the very thing i lived by', complete malice, stupidity and childish ignorance...

God had presented to me a gift so pure...so wonderful, and yet i tried everything to tear my beautiful Love down. i have documented before that she made a declaration of Love for me and announced her intentions to a friend, when we were a mere 13 years old. God had instilled within her a plan, and she would follow through with it,come hell or high water, by God she did !!  her initial glimpse of me did not happen in some pathetic Club in a self induced drunken stupor, my features were even below average, my eyes did not reflect hollywood blues, my hair raven black and unstyled, un-goldenboy, yet she proceeded, proceeded with youthful genuine love, a love that i so desperately needed in my life.

and wth the acts of a child i could not see the bigger picture of the wonderful life that lay ahead of me, if only i could get my act together, what a woman,what a woman...i needed her patience, and she would need her great strength her ancestors blessed her with. 'this is what you need to do', i fought it, for i did not understand, did not know what was at stake, sight unseen my Love had to convince me of the wonderful life we were going to have.

and yesterday, another shining moment of my New Life was presented to me, another grandson is on the way, to love, affirmation, that my Wifes commitment to Gods plan was not in vain, and as i listened to my Son speak proudly and excitedly of our family name being carried forward, i was happy for him, and for my Wife, for her tenderness with babies brings the very best out in her, and happy for me too.

my Wife is a great woman, for her future was sight unseen also, but her love within knew, her love knew...

          



i'm old. middle-aged? will i live to be 106? don't have the slightest. maybe. do i want to live that long? i say yes now , but thats a long ways away, we will see. but now at 53 i search and yearn for knowledge to expand my limited horizons, looking for intelligent confirmation of my progress in my simple life. i found such recently as recorded in Plato's Symposium, as told by Diotima in her tutoring of Socrates:

'He who has been instructed thus far in the things of love,

 

and who has learned to see the beautiful in due order and succession,

 

when he comes toward the end will suddenly perceive a nature of wondrous beauty

 

(and this, Socrates, is the final cause of all our former toils)

 

--a nature which in the first place is everlasting,

 

not growing and decaying,

 

or waxing and waning "

 

my God has tutored me, lifted my soul to a soaring plane of Love and i rejoice. i see my Wifes beauty... i feel it..thru and thru...

when i hear her giggle with joy, my heart giggles with her...forever...and ever...

 

 

 

 

i sleep a lovers sleep because of you, unshaken, undisturbed, even by dreams, for my dream slumbers peacefully nigh...

 



Yeah ! 

playoff basketball here again. funtime of year for basketball fans. i'm one. and my g-son is becoming one with me. my little gift from God, will have good memories about playoff basketball, i know i do, yesterday was just one more that i can cross off my 'poor mans' bucket list.

my label of 'little' is not literal, my little gift from God is huge, he inherited is grandmothers side, her German traits, big and strong, huge hands, big thighs, he did get my huge loving Heart however. : )

yesterday we finished playing catch. afterwards i finished my shower and sat on the edge of my bed watching the end of the Indiana/Orlando game, he came upstairs to take his. he tiptoed into the room to see what i was watching. i did not invite him in, he does not need an invitation, he knows he is welcome anytime, but i did not invite because i knew he had gametime on his mind, time for killing zombies drew near and i figured he wanted to get on with it, he had finished his workout and we had played catch, 2 requirements before his task of killing zombies. to my suprise, he sat on the edge of the bed right next to me and began to view the game, and it pleased me to no end, so much so i rubbed his throwing shoulder and back, i asked if he wanted me to crack his back too, he replied "no". toward the end of the game we witnessed missed free throws, he dogged on them. but i reminded him how it felt toward the end of games, just recently finishing his 1st season, he said "yes, true".  

all this such a simple exchange, but one i will remember and draw upon many times, and look forward to the many to come.


me and my "little gift" from God. : ) 

i answered a question this week 'what is Love?', i replied it was a Mean, an in between, for my Wife and it's an acknowledgement of the fact that we do not have all the right answers, and are fully capable of making mistakes, and we need forgiveness for these mistakes, meeting each other halfway so to speak. i guess thats why here we are, still standing, still loving, still living to love each other with every fiber of our heart and soul.

Happy Easter Mrs. Leosdisciple !!!!


i love you  i love you i love you

the only ones who deny Twin Hearts, have never ever ever been in Love, my Twin and i will never part, never cease, never...  i am so in Love...


9-4-2012

Thank you Hal David, may you Rest in Peace.



5-8-2013


i woke my wife from her nap today, i held babygirls hand within my two hands, and kissed her fingers gently. and i saw her love from half opened eyes and i felt her love,  pulsing in her grip, and i can do nothing but thak God for this day, this week, this life, this love ...

i sit and think, think about my wretched past.  from this painful memory, my Wifes courage to love, to survive, humbles me, inspires me. she lived never questioning the justice of her choice. i now marvel at this devotion, to me, to unconditional love, to herself, and i can never thank her enough, but, thank you my Love, thank you

Perry captured the spirit of teenage love perfectly with this song. my Love and i have lived this song and every Valentines day, our Hearts love bond grows even stronger, i am such a fortunate soul .

my girl, my babygirl, my Wife, and my Hero. you saved what others considered disposable, built and rebuilt what others thought impossible. as i sit and meditate upon the baseness of my former life, i look upon your face in the picture on our mantle and my eyes begin to shine, how could i of done what i did, but no longer thanks to you. what do you say to the person who with her actions pulled me me from a pit of hell. i can offer only what i have left, my eternal Love for you. i love you Mrs. Leosdisciple i love you - i love you - i love you

                          




the God Love .....

'Gives peace on earth and calms the stormy deep,
Who stills the winds and bids the sufferer sleep'


Author Unknown - taken from Plato's Syposium



once upon a time. the beautiful greeneyed Princess fell in Love with the little indian boy. he was a wild undisciplined lost soul, her Love gave him the peace he sought...he needed, and he sleeps like a loved baby beneath a warm blanket, because the little indian boy knows she will always be there for him the next morning and his Soul can now rest. and they lived happily ever after. The End

.'

                         

                          

"realises all the beauty and significance of life, and the importance of the task allotted in it to man; when he grasps the possibility of unlimited advance towards perfection for one's self and for all the world, and gives himself to this task, not only hopefully, but with full conviction of attaining to the perfection he imagines"


Resurrection - Leo Tolstoy


many times, in a single day, i wonder if i'm doing this thing called Life, if i'm doing it right. i have been given this wonderful opportunity of Second Chance, and i strive to make good on it.

last Saturday mini-me attended a b-day party. i picked her up after the celebration. on the ride home she beamed with pride as she held her arts and craft project in her lap, and i listened with loving attention as she described the fun she had with her classmates. i was soo....just happy for her, for us, for me, and i tenderly reached out and gave a gentle rub to her left cheek with the back of my hand, i was so happy, and as i moved my hand back towards the steering wheel, her small, but strong hand, caught my hand, and pulled it back to her right cheek and repeated the gentle touch of Love herself .  my Heart swelled, near to burst with overflowing appreciation and Love... for this Second Chance, that if i got this chance, would i do it right this time, and Saturday's display showed me that if i'm not doing it perfectly, at least my Loved ones know that the true intentions are present, i'm not perfect, but i am striving for it,, and that is what trully counts

                        



at the tender age of 12 my wife  picked me, years before i even noticed her, she foretelling to a fellow classmate that she was going to marry me someday, this whimsical prediction made upon first sighting. some dispute DESTINY,  SOULMATES, TWINFLAMES, but the older i get the more my faith in Love grows. meeting with our Soulmate is against the odds, my Wife and i have been so fortunate. on these cold Winter nites, our Loves glow warms our hearts, our twin hearts, and it's my wish all find theirs one day.  the following i read in full recently, i don't even remember why or when i first laid eyes upon it, just read bits and pieces of it in the past , but never all of it, till recently, it explains what my untrained brain feels but am unable to put into word till the good Lord led me to it. it is thought, just thought, but it describes my ........feelings..my love for my Love to a T.      


the thoughts are Aristophanes, taken from, Plato's Symposium:

And when one of them meets
with his other half, the actual half of himself,
the pair are lost in an amazement of love
and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other's sight,
as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole
lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another.
 

For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not
appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which
the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has
only a dark and doubtful presentiment.

Suppose Hephaestus, with his
instruments, to come to the pair who are lying side by side and to say to
them, '

What do you people want of one another?'

they would be unable to
explain. And suppose further, that when he saw their perplexity he said:
 

Do you desire to be wholly one; always day and night to be in one
another's company? for if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt you
into one and let you grow together, so that being two you shall become one,
and while you live a common life as if you were a single man, and
after your death in the world below still be one departed soul instead of
two--I ask whether this is what you lovingly desire, and whether you are
satisfied to attain this?'

--there is not a man of them who when he heard
the proposal would deny or would not acknowledge that this meeting and
melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very
expression of his ancient need (compare Arist. Pol.). And the reason is
that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire
and pursuit of the whole is called love.

                       
                                        
                                                                                                                               


                             


my babygirl always gets a kick out of telling people she married a younger man
and i get a kick just knowing she picked me, this wonderful, beautiful woman
chose me, she runs a tight ship, and sometimes i wonder how such a rag tag 
knucklehead, like me, caught such a break, and when she looks me in the eyes
with those beautiful green eyes and say's "i love you", i feel like a giddy kid,
 a fortunate lucky awkward kid, and i fall deeper in Love